Another loser

my last few defeats had encouraged me to practice to run. I had been running a few kms in the morning before school and in the evening after school. i could feel the energy in me waiting to show. it was school sports day and i was getting prepared for the 400m race. though i was not a great athlete, i took part in every race invariably. today i actually had real hopes of winning or at least coming 2nd or 3rd because i had practiced like hell and also there was my father watching with the other spectators.

i and the other runners took position after a short warm up. we were eight. as i took my stance i could see the others do the same. i was excited and also a bit nervous. we were ready to run. we were to run after a "ready", "set" and a gun shot.

"ready!"

"set!"

The gun shot went and i took off. i felt no pain initially, i could feel myself gaining speed, i felt like i was gliding. after a few seconds i found myself leading the race, i was surprised and ran harder. as the race gained momentum i sensed a guy advancing to my left and i ran even harder to maintain my lead, but my legs were weakening and the guy smoothly overtook me with ease. he glided further away from me. i knew him, he was a good athlete. when i had only about 100m to finish another athlete overtook me immediately followed by another as if i wasn't a part of their race. i felt faint and got scared. i was running fourth and i knew i could not race the first three, so settling for fourth as i was about finish i slowed down a bit and another guy was pushing himself next to me and i tried to run faster but it seemed the more i tried to run the slower i ran and i finished fifth. The rest of the runners finished a little later.

i was very tired and disappointed still. i felt a bit ashamed, i dunno why. i looked at my father, he looked disappointed too but he tried to smile at me. i went to him and sat beside him. i could have cried if i had wished to, but i did not.

" you ran well. you made it a good competition" he said and i knew he was trying to comfort me.

" don't talk about that dad"

" why shouldn't i talk about it. you ran well and I'm glad you did and I'm glad you're amongst the best five athletes in the school"

" you dunno dad, you have no idea how disappointed i am and no comforting can help"

"but I'm telling the truth" he explained

"you dunno dad, what it feels to always be a mediocre. why, i could see and very well understand that i was a mediocre and i couldn't stand it, it was killing me so i tried to come up and i practiced like anything forgoing every fun i could've had. and now after all that here I'm feeling like the smallest person in the world. why am i born this way dad?"

"Son, i know how you feel and I've felt it too and everyone feels it some point in their lives if this is of any comfort to you" he said

"but daddy, I've never had the feeling of being first, not in anything for that matter. why should i always stare in envy at people achieving things. why can't i achieve something for a change"

"you feel miserable because you think so, but in reality you are just as great as ever. why, in a bigger picture everyone is a mediocre. you feel down because you didn't get the appreciation and recognition of the crowd. but why do you need their appreciation or recognition. you did not run for them. you ran for the joy of running and the thrill of competition. you ran to feel good about it, not to cry over it.

"do you think the people that reward the winners only care about the winners or the participants, not at all. i wonder if they even give a thought about who came first or who ran. they have their own worries. they have not got the time to sort out their problems. they come here because they want to, in some way associate themselves with the society.

"remember, the only person in this world that can truly appreciate you is yourself. you have a long way to go and trust me, this world is filled with things that try to bring you down. the only way o thwart them all is to face them, and face them not like a stoic but like a happy man tapping his feet to some music"

I always thought my father was a great man. he knew everything. he had a way of handling things with ease. he just drained all my sadness. he did not do this by buying me things but by talking with me. i felt very happy not only because of what he told me but also to be with him, to know that i have him every time i need him"

even though i didn't smile, i felt so relieved and happy. he then said

" cheer up boy. we're going home now and mom's waiting with some awesome chicken curry and rice. would you give that up for a fake gold medal. i wouldn't."

i smiled...