It wasn't love at first sight. I fell in love with Mr. Mohan the moment I knew I passed 2nd semester chemistry. Though, Mr. Mohan wasn't the kind of guy who'd fail someone without a reason. This I didn't know before I knew the result; this I didn't know because Mr. Mohan had the habit of threatening a few students that he would fail them and I was one of them. But fortunately, it turned out that he didn't fail all of those he'd threatened, and neither did he pass all of the rest he hadn't threatened. His threatening, thus, was of no value whatsoever.
Mr. Mohan also threatened to kick me out of the class and one day he actually did, well, he caught me sleeping while he was pretending to be teaching. Normally, in Mr. Mohan's class, a guy would either sleep or go bang Mr. Mohan on the head with the first hard thing he could find. The students, though, settled for the former, as followed the latter were consequences that weren't entirely agreeable. Abnormally, in Mr. Mohan's class, a guy would either listen or die of insomnia. Mr. Mohan, claimed to be one of the most experienced teachers at Anna Univ. claimed to be an excellent teacher. This was actually supported by the fact, which wasn't entirely to Mr. Mohan's benefit, that few of his students went to become his seniors, a few of whom also constantly yelled at him. I guess he was too innocent. I guess he didn't have the shrewdness. He never knew what it takes to get to the top or at least a relatively higher position.
He didn't know many other things, for instance he didn't know why Ms. Sharmila always carried an over head projector(OHP) along with her. Nobody knew. It wasn't actually she who carried the OHP along with her. She always had a boy who always carried the OHP for her. The boy never knew why Ms. Sharmila always wanted somebody to carry an OHP for her. Though, he knew why he did. He thought, by doing so, Ms. Sharmila might be inclined to pass him in EDC (Electrical Drives And Controls, the subject Ms. Sharmila taught) which otherwise he would not for sure. But, it happens, neither way could he pass, because Ms. Sharmila never had the slightest intention of passing a guy just because he carried an OHP for her. The poor guy never knew that. He never knew what Ms. Sharmila taught in the class either. Nobody knew. I never knew what Ms. Sharmila taught in class. I never knew because i was never there. However, the only time I was, the class was eagerly waiting for Ms. Sharmila to not come. After a while the boy who carried the OHP for Ms. Sharmila arrived carrying OHP. That day the class never happened because Ms. Sharmila never turned up. The rule is that class would happen only when Ms. Sharmila, the boy who carried the OHP and the OHP are all present. I heard that there were occasions when Ms. Sharmila turned up and the boy who carried the OHP for Ms. Sharmila turned up but the OHP never turned up. Some even claim to have witnessed once when Ms. Sharmila turned up, the OHP turned up but the boy who carried the OHP never turned up, and the class was called off. However, everything was kosher during the first class, i was there at too, at the end of which, i realized that i would never learn EDC. Six months prior to that i had a similar realization, only, that was my first class with Mr. Mohan. Though, then i realized that i would never learn chemistry.
Mr. Mohan claimed that he had been in Japan lecturing some Japanese there. He also claimed to have lectured in some other countries too, i don't remember. He brags. He brags because that makes him happy. Different things make different people happy in different ways. Some get happy when they brag. Some get happy when they get food for free. Some get happy when they get half liter petrol. Ms. Sharmila got happy when she got half liter petrol. She wouldn't have been half as happy had she known she would lose 3 Kg of her weight because of that. Neither would have Antony bought her half-liter petrol had he known he would fail EDC anyway.
Antony was not the kind of guy who would buy half-liter petrol for Ms. Sharmila under ordinary circumstances. Nobody would. But this was no ordinary circumstance. This was when exams were about and he intended to pass and he failed. I failed too. Antony's roommate failed too. Many failed. Struck with remorse, Antony regretted buying half-liter petrol for Ms. Sharmila.
"What a waste" said he.
"What's a waste" asked his roommate.
"Money"
"Money?"
"Money"
"Why is money a waste?"
"Money is not a waste"
"Then what's a waste?"
"Petrol"
"Petrol?"
"Petrol, the petrol i bought for Ms. Sharmila"
"Why is that a waste?"
"Because that made her fail me in EDC"
"How did that make her fail you?"
"Because i gave her only half liter petrol"
"But why did you give her half-liter petrol?"
"Because i didn't have money for one"
"But why would you buy her one liter petrol?"
"I wouldn't"
"Why wouldn't you?"
"Because i wouldn't have had the money, dummy"
Ms. Sharmila didn't think that the half-liter petrol was entirely a waste, because that took her as far as half way to the nearest petrol bunk though not half as far as halfway to her home. For an instant, she thought she might push her scooter as far as the remaining halfway to the nearest petrol bunk before she realized she had no money to buy petrol for the bike to take her as far as the remainder of the distance to halfway to her home plus the remaining halfway to her home. She didn't have the money then because she never had any money. So she, eventually, had to tow the bike as far as the remainder of the distance to halfway to her home plus the remaining halfway to her home.
"What a waste" Ms. Sharmila panted
"What's a waste?" her father inquired
"Petrol"
"Petrol?"
"Petrol"
"Why is petrol a waste?"
"Petrol is not a waste"
"Then what's a waste?"
"Antony"
"Antony?"
"Antony"
"But why is Antony a waste?"
"Because he gets me half litre petrol when I said one"
"Oh did he?"
"He did"
"Oh, but who is Antony?"
"I told you, a waste"
The half-liter petrol that Antony bought Ms. Sharmila wasn't entirely a waste. That petrol assisted, indirectly, in removing 3 Kgs of fat from Ms. Sharmila's body. Though, the 3 mile walk to her home from the point which was a bit more than just short of half way to her home from the college, didn't entirely account for the lost 3 Kgs. The walk along with the push could only burn about 300 grams of Ms. Sharmila's mass, or maybe less. However, the long walk, which was really long, being walked not in the normal walking posture, caused a spasm in Ms. Sharmila's tummy. This spasm caused a terrible pain throughout the vast expanse of Ms. Sharmila's abdominal area. The pain at its peak, which lasted for 2 days, prevented Ms. Sharmila from engulfing 2700 grams of junk, or maybe more, which she otherwise would have. This loss in weight along with the griping pain in the abdomen, turned Ms. Sharmila irritable, and developed in her an immense hate for Antony, which only worsened by the contents of Antony's answer paper, made her, besides tear his paper apart, fail him in EDC, thrice.
When one is sick one might get weird visions. Ms. Sharmila got visions of a man saying ':-):-)' to her lately. This man kept saying ':-):-)' in her dreams. During day also, this guy popped up in her head saying ':-):-)'. This man in her head looked very familiar, she thought. 'could he be the TV show guy who keeps coming on pogo' she thought. She thought hard. "But why is he saying ':-):-)'?" she thought. 'What does that mean anyway?'.
The VC Mr. DV banned the students of Anna Univ. from using cell phones at college. Almost all the students brought cell phones to college after the ban. Nobody knew why the VC Mr. DV banned the students from using cell phones at college. Ms. Sharmila never knew why the VC Mr. DV banned the students from using cell phones at college. That didn't bother her though, because she was not banned from using her cell phone, none of the teachers were. Neither did she know why the VC, DV banned the students from wearing T shirts and jeans to college. Neither did that ban bother her because, again teachers were exempted. Even otherwise she wouldn't have been bothered because she never wore T shirts to college and no brand made size 48.
The VC of Anna Univ. VC Mr. DV before becoming the VC was just DV and was also pretending to teach ED (Engineering Drawing) for the first semester students. DV, before pretending to teach ED for the first semester students, was sleeping in his room with the door locked. Just when it was time for the class, DV would continue to sleep. He would continue to sleep until someone knocked the door. Nobody usually knocked the door. But unusually, when it was time for class time to get over, some ambitious first semester students might knock on the door. On most of the occasions the door would be unanswered. Once as a voice answered saying
"The professor is not here, come in the evening"
"Who is this, sir?" asked the first ambitious first semester boy
"Nobody"
"Nobody?"
"................"
"Who am i talking with, sir?"
"................"
"Sir?"
"................"
"Sounds like nobody's in there" said the second ambitious first semester boy to the first ambitious first semester boy
After the boys left, "that was easy :-)" chuckled DV
Once Mr. Swaminathan walked into DV's room without knocking to discuss something about natural numbers. This discussion about natural numbers had a beginning, a middle part but not an end. The discussion hung in the middle forever. From the start of the discussion, DV was intently listening to what MR. Mr. Swaminathan was saying. As Mr. Swaminathan proceeded from the beginning to the middle part, DV continued to listen to Mr. Swaminathan very intently when Mr. Swaminathan fell into a deep slumber. DV, not willing to let the discussion hang in the middle, continued to listen intently to what Mr. Swaminathan was not saying. At one point of time, DV was enraged by what Mr. Swaminathan was not saying that he banged his fist on the table showing his disapproval and shouted "NOW THAT IS ABSURD". This woke Mr. Swaminathan up who solemnly continued the discussion which sent both of them into deep slumber. They both slept like two logs. They never were guilty of sleeping, because they both dreamt of discussing something about natural numbers. Some Japanese would have envied them had they seen them both. Being able to sleep properly is a gift, believed some Japanese.
"Being able to sleep properly is a gift" said Ms. Sharmila
"I'm gifted then, ha ha" said her father
"Well, i'm not:-/"
"Really? Why not? You appear to be sleeping almost all the time, and course, without taking into account the time you spend in eating"
"It may appear so but my sleep has been very disturbed lately, believe me. A guy keeps appearing in my head and keeps saying ':-):-)'. I don't even know what ':-):-)' means. What's ':-):-)' anyway?"
"Don't tell me the candy guy is the man of your dreams. Of all the guys i've known only one guy does that, ':-):-)'. And he is the candy guy. I met him in your college if i recall properly. I've met him only once and the meeting was very short. Nevertheless, at the end of it, he handed me a 50p candy and lots of ':-):-)' and when i inquired about him, people said he gives 50p candy to all the people he meets, and all the time."
Having a guy popping out of nowhere inside your head is bad enough. And to have him keep saying ":-):-)" is worse. But one learns to live with that. So did Ms. Sharmila. But to have almost the same guy popping out of nowhere in the college was something she wasn't made for. Imagine, you are walking the corridors of a college with a man in your head who keeps saying ':-):-)' and then suddenly, you see him standing in front of you. Even if the guy had walked to you properly you still tend to think he popped out of nowhere. Different people might respond to this in different ways. Ms. Sharmila, chose to run. She ran away from him. He is chasing me, she imagined. And when she looked behind, he was chasing her. She couldn't be more terrified. She ran like she had never run before.
When one is frightened, one could run fast. When one runs fast, one gets tired and stops to run and starts to pant. When Ms. Sharmila stopped to run she was gasping for breath. She sucked in air like a vacuum cleaner and blew out air like a vacuum cleaner in blow mode. At this point of time, to be accosted by a group of intimidating casteists is the last thing she wished for. A group of intimidating casteists accosted her. Were she an optimist she would have been glad for at least her last wish came true. But she was not an optimist so she ran again. She ran far away from all the people, like a steam engine without the steam.
Ms. Sharmila was not a cross country runner. She had to stop after some distance. She thought about all that had happened to her in the last few minutes. The more she thought about it the more worried she became.
"Was he the same guy?" she thought
"Who were those people, and what did they want from me?"
"Is everyone conspiring against me?"
"The guy who looked like the guy in my head, who was he?"
"Did he say ':-):-)'?"
"I didn't look properly. But it looked like he said that"
"Who was that guy anyway?"
"Could he be one of teachers from CEG?"
"Whatever, why would he say ':-):-)'?"
"What's that anyway?"
"Or could he be him, the candy guy?"
That was him, the candy guy. Nobody called him that though. His name was Rajamanickam Sai. People called him Sai:-):-). Sai:-):-) always carried 50p candies with him. Rumor has it that everyone who approached Sai:-):-) would get a 50p candy and a ':-):-)'. Rumor is a rumor anyway. It turns out that the people who received candies from Sai:-):-) were either the ones he hated the most or the ones he thought looked as good as him. Sai:-):-) at no point in time thought there might come a time when he'd be left with just one 50p candy with him. Sai:-):-) was an organized man. He always made sure there were enough 50p candies to hand out to various people. His pocket was always loaded with 50p candies. He could never run out of stock unless he ran into a group of casteists. The probability of him running into a group of casteists was very thin. Sai:-):-) never knew this though. Sai:-):-) never knew probability. But Sai:-):-) did once run into a group of casteists.
Being a casteist is a big responsibility, thought the casteists. Being a group of casteists is a bigger responsibility, thought some groups of casteists. Being a group of casteists who have been given a task to accomplish is even bigger a responsibility, thought a group of casteists. The task was to find DV and deliver a message, which they were instructed to tell DV and him alone and nobody else. Thus, the group of casteists set out to find DV. Hoping to find DV in his room, they went there. One of the casteists knocked the door. Nobody answered. He knocked again, harder. This time a voice answered
"The professor is not here, come in the evening"
"Who is this, sir?" asked the first casteist
"Nobody"
"Nobody?"
"................"
"Who am i talking with, sir?"
"................"
"Sir?"
"................"
"Sounds like nobody's in there" said the second casteist to the rest and the casteists set out to look for DV in other probable places. They searched hard, everywhere but could not find DV. They thought they might ask someone but people buzzed away at the sight of them because they did not like casteists. Nobody liked casteists, thought the casteists. The woman who they approached moments ago seemed really terrified and before they could even ask her anything, she ran away. Before the casteists could make anything out of that, a guy ran into them. This guy looked familiar they thought. 'Could he be the TV show guy who keeps coming on pogo', they thought. They didn't know if they could ask him as they were told to carry out the task surreptitiously. Before they could say anything the guy said ":-):-)".
Life was hard enough being just Sai, thought Sai:-):-). To be Sai:-):-) and to please everybody just to feel secure is really traumatizing. He had to constantly buy 50p candies just to keep the people around him happy about him. Feeling insecure and small is a bad feeling. Sai:-):-) felt both. He took all efforts not to feel so. His efforts were helping him, he thought. He was beginning to feel a bit happy after his candid candy idea. In one's life, especially a depressed one's life, just when you think things are beginning to look up, just when you think maybe you might be happy, somebody reminds you 'YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE HAPPY. GO BACK TO SADNESS" and then there you are, starting to feel sad again, worse than what you were when you started out. This happened in Sai:-):-)'s life too.
In my opinion, people look dressier on the days when they've had hair wash. That's when they try to look their best and in almost all the cases they succeed too. Sai:-):-) was no exception. It was one of those days for him. He dyed his hair. He had a hair wash. He dowsed his face in talcum powder. Sai:-):-) was happy. He was very happy. He felt like Jack standing at the end of Titanic. Women he wanted to see and he saw DV. DV wasn't exactly the kind of person he wanted to meet then, neither did DV belong to the kind of sex, but before Sai:-):-) could turn away and pretend like he never saw him DV turned toward him and looked. Sai:-):-), then did what he thought might look cool and waved at DV and said ':-):-)'. But DV did something that broke his heart; DV turned away and walked into his room like there was air in the space Sai:-):-) stood. Not letting this dampen his spirit, Sai:-):-) entered the corridor. The first woman he could see looked familiar he thought. He couldn't place her though. Anyway, he thought, a candy and a ':-):-)' is enough to get her acquaintance. Sai:-):-) was the kind of man who fancied dramatization. His fancy for dramatization made him hide behind the corner of the corridor. And just when the woman was about to turn, Sai:-):-) appeared in front of her and said ':-):-)'. All he asked in return was a ':-):-)' or at least a smile. But the woman did something tantamount to stomping on his broken heart. She stared at him like she would at a guy from Pluto were he to appear in front of her. Time for the candy, thought Sai:-):-) without losing heart and before he could offer her a 50p candy she turned and started to run. Poor Sai:-):-) absolutely hurt and crestfallen, felt like Jack drowning at the end of Titanic. She had no right to do that to him, felt Sai:-):-). I need to know why that woman did that, decided Sai:-):-). So he began to go behind her expecting to find her around the parking area and found her running away from him like she had never run before. Sai:-):-) wasn't sure if it was worth running behind that woman and before he could decide, stood before him a group of casteists.
":-):-)" said Sai:-):-)
The casteists said nothing. They were panting.
":-):-)" repeated Sai:-):-)
The casteists said nothing. They were panting still.
"Candy:-):-)?" said Sai:-):-) taking out some 50p candies from his pocket and held them out for the casteists to pick. They picked, thankful for the change from staring at Sai:-):-). The casteists started sucking the 50p candies at once. Sai:-):-) waited for them to finish their 50p candies. And then
":-):-)" said Sai:-):-) looking at them expectantly.
"Should we tell him?" the third excited casteist asked the rest of the excited casteists.
"Maybe we should tell him" said the eighth excited casteist.
"Maybe" said the ninth excited casteist.
"Or maybe we should ask him for another 50p candy each" said the eleventh excited casteist.
This sounded good to the excited casteists. They all nodded in agreement.
":-):-)" said Sai:-):-)
They all looked at Sai:-):-) expectantly.
Sai:-):-)'s face turned small in spite of his effort to not look so.
The casteists kept looking expectantly.
"Ok:-):-)" said Sai:-):-) taking out the remaining 50p candies and handing them out to the excited casteists. He gave them one each. At the end he was left with just one 50p candy. The casteists sucked their next candies. Sai:-):-) watched them suck. Then he said
":-):-)"
"Maybe we could ask him?" said a casteist
"Maybe" said another
":-):-)"
"We are looking for DV. Have you any idea where he is?"
"I know where he is:-):-). I saw him enter his room just moments ago. Why you looking for him?:-):-)"
"In his room? But we are coming from there only. Nobody's in there in his room and it was locked?"
"Who said nobody's in there? I just saw him go inside"
"A voice from inside said DV had gone out."
"That's strange:-):-)"
"That's strange" agreed the casteists
"Anyway, make sure you tell DV we were here"
Sai:-):-) made sure his shirt was properly tucked in his pants. Sai:-):-) taught environmental science (EVS) for the sixth semester students. EVS basically dealt with environment and why we should keep it well and not keep it unwell. I imagine, people capable of reading this blog should have a fair idea about EVS. EVS talks about earth, pollution, air, health, awareness and what not. The idea was to inculcate in students some awareness like pollution awareness, chemical and nuclear hazard awareness, population awareness and Sai:-):-) inculcated in us attendance awareness, everyone loved him for that. Everyone loved Sai:-):-). The chemical engineering students never missed his classes. Were they to make a promo to advertise Sai:-):-) and his classes, they would all chorus " After every hectic session of tiresome learning we take one session of Sai:-):-). There's nothing more relaxing than a session of Sai:-):-). We love Sai:-):-)". Sai:-):-) always carried some random papers to class. Before leaving for class he would shuffle all the random papers randomly. And before entering the class, he would stand against the corridor wall and arrange those random papers in random order. He imagined, always, that his entry into class looked, always, a dramatic one. He always stood accurately at the centre of the stage in front of the class, that amused him and also gave him an illusion of being proper. He then would turn toward the girls and say ":-):-)" then to the boys ":-):-)". By the time he finished doing this and the roll call, half the period would have gotten over. For the rest of the period he would ramble on about something out of which i was able to catch only a few words like 'is it not', 'excited state' and ':-):-)'. Sometimes when he had nothing to ramble about, he would then spread some attendance awareness where he would joylessly read out the attendance record.
After playing nobody for the umpteenth time with some random people, DV went back to sleep. He slept like a log. In his dream somebody knocked his door. He tried playing nobody with them but they kept knocking. He, in his dream, then shouted that nobody was in there. But the knocking only got louder. He shouted even louder, the knocking stopped, only to be replaced by banging. DV then opened the door to find nobody there, but the banging didn't stop. Before he could figure what was happening, he felt a bang on his head. This bang terminated his terrific dream. The dream in his head was replaced by a vision of a group of people in front of him. They were the casteists. The casteists after talking with Sai:-):-), had decided to barge into DV's room. Before DV could say anything, the first casteist said
"You are going to be the next VC. We've agreed upon that. We gather, you are the most eligible person to be the next VC."
Thus, DV rubbing his head slowly became the VC of Anna Univ. VC Mr. DV.
After some years..
The scene now is more or less the same in the bigger picture. A bit different though, in a smaller picture. Mr. Mohan quit his job. The professors who constantly rebuked Mr. Mohan started publishing text books. I got married. Surprise, Ms. Sharmila got married too. The guy who carried the OHP for Ms. Sharmila replaced Ms. Sharmila to teach EDC. The Japanese who had once listened to Mr. Mohan lecturing, worshipped Mr. Mohan everyday for they believed he cured their insomnia. Antony got a job, he is happy, believe me. Antony's friend is happy too. Ms. Sharmila's father is happy too, he got his daughter's bike after she went off to live with her husband. The VC of Anna Univ. VC Mr. DV became DV again, just DV. Mr. Swaminathan became the VC of Anna Univ. VC Mr. Swaminathan. Sai:-):-) became Sai:-):-);-). The ambitious first semester boys became rich. The chemical engineering students who never missed Sai:-):-)'s class got jobs at various IT companies. The casteists became politicians.
Whatever, who cares anyway.
Mr. Mohan also threatened to kick me out of the class and one day he actually did, well, he caught me sleeping while he was pretending to be teaching. Normally, in Mr. Mohan's class, a guy would either sleep or go bang Mr. Mohan on the head with the first hard thing he could find. The students, though, settled for the former, as followed the latter were consequences that weren't entirely agreeable. Abnormally, in Mr. Mohan's class, a guy would either listen or die of insomnia. Mr. Mohan, claimed to be one of the most experienced teachers at Anna Univ. claimed to be an excellent teacher. This was actually supported by the fact, which wasn't entirely to Mr. Mohan's benefit, that few of his students went to become his seniors, a few of whom also constantly yelled at him. I guess he was too innocent. I guess he didn't have the shrewdness. He never knew what it takes to get to the top or at least a relatively higher position.
He didn't know many other things, for instance he didn't know why Ms. Sharmila always carried an over head projector(OHP) along with her. Nobody knew. It wasn't actually she who carried the OHP along with her. She always had a boy who always carried the OHP for her. The boy never knew why Ms. Sharmila always wanted somebody to carry an OHP for her. Though, he knew why he did. He thought, by doing so, Ms. Sharmila might be inclined to pass him in EDC (Electrical Drives And Controls, the subject Ms. Sharmila taught) which otherwise he would not for sure. But, it happens, neither way could he pass, because Ms. Sharmila never had the slightest intention of passing a guy just because he carried an OHP for her. The poor guy never knew that. He never knew what Ms. Sharmila taught in the class either. Nobody knew. I never knew what Ms. Sharmila taught in class. I never knew because i was never there. However, the only time I was, the class was eagerly waiting for Ms. Sharmila to not come. After a while the boy who carried the OHP for Ms. Sharmila arrived carrying OHP. That day the class never happened because Ms. Sharmila never turned up. The rule is that class would happen only when Ms. Sharmila, the boy who carried the OHP and the OHP are all present. I heard that there were occasions when Ms. Sharmila turned up and the boy who carried the OHP for Ms. Sharmila turned up but the OHP never turned up. Some even claim to have witnessed once when Ms. Sharmila turned up, the OHP turned up but the boy who carried the OHP never turned up, and the class was called off. However, everything was kosher during the first class, i was there at too, at the end of which, i realized that i would never learn EDC. Six months prior to that i had a similar realization, only, that was my first class with Mr. Mohan. Though, then i realized that i would never learn chemistry.
Mr. Mohan claimed that he had been in Japan lecturing some Japanese there. He also claimed to have lectured in some other countries too, i don't remember. He brags. He brags because that makes him happy. Different things make different people happy in different ways. Some get happy when they brag. Some get happy when they get food for free. Some get happy when they get half liter petrol. Ms. Sharmila got happy when she got half liter petrol. She wouldn't have been half as happy had she known she would lose 3 Kg of her weight because of that. Neither would have Antony bought her half-liter petrol had he known he would fail EDC anyway.
Antony was not the kind of guy who would buy half-liter petrol for Ms. Sharmila under ordinary circumstances. Nobody would. But this was no ordinary circumstance. This was when exams were about and he intended to pass and he failed. I failed too. Antony's roommate failed too. Many failed. Struck with remorse, Antony regretted buying half-liter petrol for Ms. Sharmila.
"What a waste" said he.
"What's a waste" asked his roommate.
"Money"
"Money?"
"Money"
"Why is money a waste?"
"Money is not a waste"
"Then what's a waste?"
"Petrol"
"Petrol?"
"Petrol, the petrol i bought for Ms. Sharmila"
"Why is that a waste?"
"Because that made her fail me in EDC"
"How did that make her fail you?"
"Because i gave her only half liter petrol"
"But why did you give her half-liter petrol?"
"Because i didn't have money for one"
"But why would you buy her one liter petrol?"
"I wouldn't"
"Why wouldn't you?"
"Because i wouldn't have had the money, dummy"
Ms. Sharmila didn't think that the half-liter petrol was entirely a waste, because that took her as far as half way to the nearest petrol bunk though not half as far as halfway to her home. For an instant, she thought she might push her scooter as far as the remaining halfway to the nearest petrol bunk before she realized she had no money to buy petrol for the bike to take her as far as the remainder of the distance to halfway to her home plus the remaining halfway to her home. She didn't have the money then because she never had any money. So she, eventually, had to tow the bike as far as the remainder of the distance to halfway to her home plus the remaining halfway to her home.
"What a waste" Ms. Sharmila panted
"What's a waste?" her father inquired
"Petrol"
"Petrol?"
"Petrol"
"Why is petrol a waste?"
"Petrol is not a waste"
"Then what's a waste?"
"Antony"
"Antony?"
"Antony"
"But why is Antony a waste?"
"Because he gets me half litre petrol when I said one"
"Oh did he?"
"He did"
"Oh, but who is Antony?"
"I told you, a waste"
The half-liter petrol that Antony bought Ms. Sharmila wasn't entirely a waste. That petrol assisted, indirectly, in removing 3 Kgs of fat from Ms. Sharmila's body. Though, the 3 mile walk to her home from the point which was a bit more than just short of half way to her home from the college, didn't entirely account for the lost 3 Kgs. The walk along with the push could only burn about 300 grams of Ms. Sharmila's mass, or maybe less. However, the long walk, which was really long, being walked not in the normal walking posture, caused a spasm in Ms. Sharmila's tummy. This spasm caused a terrible pain throughout the vast expanse of Ms. Sharmila's abdominal area. The pain at its peak, which lasted for 2 days, prevented Ms. Sharmila from engulfing 2700 grams of junk, or maybe more, which she otherwise would have. This loss in weight along with the griping pain in the abdomen, turned Ms. Sharmila irritable, and developed in her an immense hate for Antony, which only worsened by the contents of Antony's answer paper, made her, besides tear his paper apart, fail him in EDC, thrice.
When one is sick one might get weird visions. Ms. Sharmila got visions of a man saying ':-):-)' to her lately. This man kept saying ':-):-)' in her dreams. During day also, this guy popped up in her head saying ':-):-)'. This man in her head looked very familiar, she thought. 'could he be the TV show guy who keeps coming on pogo' she thought. She thought hard. "But why is he saying ':-):-)'?" she thought. 'What does that mean anyway?'.
The VC Mr. DV banned the students of Anna Univ. from using cell phones at college. Almost all the students brought cell phones to college after the ban. Nobody knew why the VC Mr. DV banned the students from using cell phones at college. Ms. Sharmila never knew why the VC Mr. DV banned the students from using cell phones at college. That didn't bother her though, because she was not banned from using her cell phone, none of the teachers were. Neither did she know why the VC, DV banned the students from wearing T shirts and jeans to college. Neither did that ban bother her because, again teachers were exempted. Even otherwise she wouldn't have been bothered because she never wore T shirts to college and no brand made size 48.
The VC of Anna Univ. VC Mr. DV before becoming the VC was just DV and was also pretending to teach ED (Engineering Drawing) for the first semester students. DV, before pretending to teach ED for the first semester students, was sleeping in his room with the door locked. Just when it was time for the class, DV would continue to sleep. He would continue to sleep until someone knocked the door. Nobody usually knocked the door. But unusually, when it was time for class time to get over, some ambitious first semester students might knock on the door. On most of the occasions the door would be unanswered. Once as a voice answered saying
"The professor is not here, come in the evening"
"Who is this, sir?" asked the first ambitious first semester boy
"Nobody"
"Nobody?"
"................"
"Who am i talking with, sir?"
"................"
"Sir?"
"................"
"Sounds like nobody's in there" said the second ambitious first semester boy to the first ambitious first semester boy
After the boys left, "that was easy :-)" chuckled DV
Once Mr. Swaminathan walked into DV's room without knocking to discuss something about natural numbers. This discussion about natural numbers had a beginning, a middle part but not an end. The discussion hung in the middle forever. From the start of the discussion, DV was intently listening to what MR. Mr. Swaminathan was saying. As Mr. Swaminathan proceeded from the beginning to the middle part, DV continued to listen to Mr. Swaminathan very intently when Mr. Swaminathan fell into a deep slumber. DV, not willing to let the discussion hang in the middle, continued to listen intently to what Mr. Swaminathan was not saying. At one point of time, DV was enraged by what Mr. Swaminathan was not saying that he banged his fist on the table showing his disapproval and shouted "NOW THAT IS ABSURD". This woke Mr. Swaminathan up who solemnly continued the discussion which sent both of them into deep slumber. They both slept like two logs. They never were guilty of sleeping, because they both dreamt of discussing something about natural numbers. Some Japanese would have envied them had they seen them both. Being able to sleep properly is a gift, believed some Japanese.
"Being able to sleep properly is a gift" said Ms. Sharmila
"I'm gifted then, ha ha" said her father
"Well, i'm not:-/"
"Really? Why not? You appear to be sleeping almost all the time, and course, without taking into account the time you spend in eating"
"It may appear so but my sleep has been very disturbed lately, believe me. A guy keeps appearing in my head and keeps saying ':-):-)'. I don't even know what ':-):-)' means. What's ':-):-)' anyway?"
"Don't tell me the candy guy is the man of your dreams. Of all the guys i've known only one guy does that, ':-):-)'. And he is the candy guy. I met him in your college if i recall properly. I've met him only once and the meeting was very short. Nevertheless, at the end of it, he handed me a 50p candy and lots of ':-):-)' and when i inquired about him, people said he gives 50p candy to all the people he meets, and all the time."
Having a guy popping out of nowhere inside your head is bad enough. And to have him keep saying ":-):-)" is worse. But one learns to live with that. So did Ms. Sharmila. But to have almost the same guy popping out of nowhere in the college was something she wasn't made for. Imagine, you are walking the corridors of a college with a man in your head who keeps saying ':-):-)' and then suddenly, you see him standing in front of you. Even if the guy had walked to you properly you still tend to think he popped out of nowhere. Different people might respond to this in different ways. Ms. Sharmila, chose to run. She ran away from him. He is chasing me, she imagined. And when she looked behind, he was chasing her. She couldn't be more terrified. She ran like she had never run before.
When one is frightened, one could run fast. When one runs fast, one gets tired and stops to run and starts to pant. When Ms. Sharmila stopped to run she was gasping for breath. She sucked in air like a vacuum cleaner and blew out air like a vacuum cleaner in blow mode. At this point of time, to be accosted by a group of intimidating casteists is the last thing she wished for. A group of intimidating casteists accosted her. Were she an optimist she would have been glad for at least her last wish came true. But she was not an optimist so she ran again. She ran far away from all the people, like a steam engine without the steam.
Ms. Sharmila was not a cross country runner. She had to stop after some distance. She thought about all that had happened to her in the last few minutes. The more she thought about it the more worried she became.
"Was he the same guy?" she thought
"Who were those people, and what did they want from me?"
"Is everyone conspiring against me?"
"The guy who looked like the guy in my head, who was he?"
"Did he say ':-):-)'?"
"I didn't look properly. But it looked like he said that"
"Who was that guy anyway?"
"Could he be one of teachers from CEG?"
"Whatever, why would he say ':-):-)'?"
"What's that anyway?"
"Or could he be him, the candy guy?"
That was him, the candy guy. Nobody called him that though. His name was Rajamanickam Sai. People called him Sai:-):-). Sai:-):-) always carried 50p candies with him. Rumor has it that everyone who approached Sai:-):-) would get a 50p candy and a ':-):-)'. Rumor is a rumor anyway. It turns out that the people who received candies from Sai:-):-) were either the ones he hated the most or the ones he thought looked as good as him. Sai:-):-) at no point in time thought there might come a time when he'd be left with just one 50p candy with him. Sai:-):-) was an organized man. He always made sure there were enough 50p candies to hand out to various people. His pocket was always loaded with 50p candies. He could never run out of stock unless he ran into a group of casteists. The probability of him running into a group of casteists was very thin. Sai:-):-) never knew this though. Sai:-):-) never knew probability. But Sai:-):-) did once run into a group of casteists.
Being a casteist is a big responsibility, thought the casteists. Being a group of casteists is a bigger responsibility, thought some groups of casteists. Being a group of casteists who have been given a task to accomplish is even bigger a responsibility, thought a group of casteists. The task was to find DV and deliver a message, which they were instructed to tell DV and him alone and nobody else. Thus, the group of casteists set out to find DV. Hoping to find DV in his room, they went there. One of the casteists knocked the door. Nobody answered. He knocked again, harder. This time a voice answered
"The professor is not here, come in the evening"
"Who is this, sir?" asked the first casteist
"Nobody"
"Nobody?"
"................"
"Who am i talking with, sir?"
"................"
"Sir?"
"................"
"Sounds like nobody's in there" said the second casteist to the rest and the casteists set out to look for DV in other probable places. They searched hard, everywhere but could not find DV. They thought they might ask someone but people buzzed away at the sight of them because they did not like casteists. Nobody liked casteists, thought the casteists. The woman who they approached moments ago seemed really terrified and before they could even ask her anything, she ran away. Before the casteists could make anything out of that, a guy ran into them. This guy looked familiar they thought. 'Could he be the TV show guy who keeps coming on pogo', they thought. They didn't know if they could ask him as they were told to carry out the task surreptitiously. Before they could say anything the guy said ":-):-)".
Life was hard enough being just Sai, thought Sai:-):-). To be Sai:-):-) and to please everybody just to feel secure is really traumatizing. He had to constantly buy 50p candies just to keep the people around him happy about him. Feeling insecure and small is a bad feeling. Sai:-):-) felt both. He took all efforts not to feel so. His efforts were helping him, he thought. He was beginning to feel a bit happy after his candid candy idea. In one's life, especially a depressed one's life, just when you think things are beginning to look up, just when you think maybe you might be happy, somebody reminds you 'YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE HAPPY. GO BACK TO SADNESS" and then there you are, starting to feel sad again, worse than what you were when you started out. This happened in Sai:-):-)'s life too.
In my opinion, people look dressier on the days when they've had hair wash. That's when they try to look their best and in almost all the cases they succeed too. Sai:-):-) was no exception. It was one of those days for him. He dyed his hair. He had a hair wash. He dowsed his face in talcum powder. Sai:-):-) was happy. He was very happy. He felt like Jack standing at the end of Titanic. Women he wanted to see and he saw DV. DV wasn't exactly the kind of person he wanted to meet then, neither did DV belong to the kind of sex, but before Sai:-):-) could turn away and pretend like he never saw him DV turned toward him and looked. Sai:-):-), then did what he thought might look cool and waved at DV and said ':-):-)'. But DV did something that broke his heart; DV turned away and walked into his room like there was air in the space Sai:-):-) stood. Not letting this dampen his spirit, Sai:-):-) entered the corridor. The first woman he could see looked familiar he thought. He couldn't place her though. Anyway, he thought, a candy and a ':-):-)' is enough to get her acquaintance. Sai:-):-) was the kind of man who fancied dramatization. His fancy for dramatization made him hide behind the corner of the corridor. And just when the woman was about to turn, Sai:-):-) appeared in front of her and said ':-):-)'. All he asked in return was a ':-):-)' or at least a smile. But the woman did something tantamount to stomping on his broken heart. She stared at him like she would at a guy from Pluto were he to appear in front of her. Time for the candy, thought Sai:-):-) without losing heart and before he could offer her a 50p candy she turned and started to run. Poor Sai:-):-) absolutely hurt and crestfallen, felt like Jack drowning at the end of Titanic. She had no right to do that to him, felt Sai:-):-). I need to know why that woman did that, decided Sai:-):-). So he began to go behind her expecting to find her around the parking area and found her running away from him like she had never run before. Sai:-):-) wasn't sure if it was worth running behind that woman and before he could decide, stood before him a group of casteists.
":-):-)" said Sai:-):-)
The casteists said nothing. They were panting.
":-):-)" repeated Sai:-):-)
The casteists said nothing. They were panting still.
"Candy:-):-)?" said Sai:-):-) taking out some 50p candies from his pocket and held them out for the casteists to pick. They picked, thankful for the change from staring at Sai:-):-). The casteists started sucking the 50p candies at once. Sai:-):-) waited for them to finish their 50p candies. And then
":-):-)" said Sai:-):-) looking at them expectantly.
"Should we tell him?" the third excited casteist asked the rest of the excited casteists.
"Maybe we should tell him" said the eighth excited casteist.
"Maybe" said the ninth excited casteist.
"Or maybe we should ask him for another 50p candy each" said the eleventh excited casteist.
This sounded good to the excited casteists. They all nodded in agreement.
":-):-)" said Sai:-):-)
They all looked at Sai:-):-) expectantly.
Sai:-):-)'s face turned small in spite of his effort to not look so.
The casteists kept looking expectantly.
"Ok:-):-)" said Sai:-):-) taking out the remaining 50p candies and handing them out to the excited casteists. He gave them one each. At the end he was left with just one 50p candy. The casteists sucked their next candies. Sai:-):-) watched them suck. Then he said
":-):-)"
"Maybe we could ask him?" said a casteist
"Maybe" said another
":-):-)"
"We are looking for DV. Have you any idea where he is?"
"I know where he is:-):-). I saw him enter his room just moments ago. Why you looking for him?:-):-)"
"In his room? But we are coming from there only. Nobody's in there in his room and it was locked?"
"Who said nobody's in there? I just saw him go inside"
"A voice from inside said DV had gone out."
"That's strange:-):-)"
"That's strange" agreed the casteists
"Anyway, make sure you tell DV we were here"
Sai:-):-) made sure his shirt was properly tucked in his pants. Sai:-):-) taught environmental science (EVS) for the sixth semester students. EVS basically dealt with environment and why we should keep it well and not keep it unwell. I imagine, people capable of reading this blog should have a fair idea about EVS. EVS talks about earth, pollution, air, health, awareness and what not. The idea was to inculcate in students some awareness like pollution awareness, chemical and nuclear hazard awareness, population awareness and Sai:-):-) inculcated in us attendance awareness, everyone loved him for that. Everyone loved Sai:-):-). The chemical engineering students never missed his classes. Were they to make a promo to advertise Sai:-):-) and his classes, they would all chorus " After every hectic session of tiresome learning we take one session of Sai:-):-). There's nothing more relaxing than a session of Sai:-):-). We love Sai:-):-)". Sai:-):-) always carried some random papers to class. Before leaving for class he would shuffle all the random papers randomly. And before entering the class, he would stand against the corridor wall and arrange those random papers in random order. He imagined, always, that his entry into class looked, always, a dramatic one. He always stood accurately at the centre of the stage in front of the class, that amused him and also gave him an illusion of being proper. He then would turn toward the girls and say ":-):-)" then to the boys ":-):-)". By the time he finished doing this and the roll call, half the period would have gotten over. For the rest of the period he would ramble on about something out of which i was able to catch only a few words like 'is it not', 'excited state' and ':-):-)'. Sometimes when he had nothing to ramble about, he would then spread some attendance awareness where he would joylessly read out the attendance record.
After playing nobody for the umpteenth time with some random people, DV went back to sleep. He slept like a log. In his dream somebody knocked his door. He tried playing nobody with them but they kept knocking. He, in his dream, then shouted that nobody was in there. But the knocking only got louder. He shouted even louder, the knocking stopped, only to be replaced by banging. DV then opened the door to find nobody there, but the banging didn't stop. Before he could figure what was happening, he felt a bang on his head. This bang terminated his terrific dream. The dream in his head was replaced by a vision of a group of people in front of him. They were the casteists. The casteists after talking with Sai:-):-), had decided to barge into DV's room. Before DV could say anything, the first casteist said
"You are going to be the next VC. We've agreed upon that. We gather, you are the most eligible person to be the next VC."
Thus, DV rubbing his head slowly became the VC of Anna Univ. VC Mr. DV.
After some years..
The scene now is more or less the same in the bigger picture. A bit different though, in a smaller picture. Mr. Mohan quit his job. The professors who constantly rebuked Mr. Mohan started publishing text books. I got married. Surprise, Ms. Sharmila got married too. The guy who carried the OHP for Ms. Sharmila replaced Ms. Sharmila to teach EDC. The Japanese who had once listened to Mr. Mohan lecturing, worshipped Mr. Mohan everyday for they believed he cured their insomnia. Antony got a job, he is happy, believe me. Antony's friend is happy too. Ms. Sharmila's father is happy too, he got his daughter's bike after she went off to live with her husband. The VC of Anna Univ. VC Mr. DV became DV again, just DV. Mr. Swaminathan became the VC of Anna Univ. VC Mr. Swaminathan. Sai:-):-) became Sai:-):-);-). The ambitious first semester boys became rich. The chemical engineering students who never missed Sai:-):-)'s class got jobs at various IT companies. The casteists became politicians.
Whatever, who cares anyway.
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